I need to find something that I must do, something undeniable. I can’t do this, I can’t just be a wife. I don’t understand how anyone does it – there is literally nothing to do but wait. Wait for a man to come home and love you. Either that or look around for something to distract you.

I do not want to die. The concept of dissolving into nothingness frightens me. What will happen to my thoughts? What will happen to my mind? To my consciousness? Will any part of my soul remain? Will I remain? Will I want to remain in this world without a body?

Is there an afterlife? “Heaven” probably makes death easier to accept but does heaven exist? I used to believe that it does. But I still don’t want to die. It scares me.